MAN CITY INFO VIA THE ALPS "McVittee!" #623

DATE Thursday 13th July 2000

According to the club, the Amokachi deal is still very much on, with his arrival still delayed by the wait for a visa. Certain sections of the media are still publishing stories intimating that Amokachi has gone to a Greek side, but these are being viorously refuted by Maine Road. There's also news of the death of Cliff Sear, who many will remember from the 1960's. If anyone out there remembers Cliff well (or his exploits) or even knew him, I'm sure the rest of us would appreciate hearing more about him; this could take the form of an obituary or just anecdotes and memories.

This issue sees MCIVTA return to normal - at least as far as the ManYoo content is concerned:

For those travelling to Northern Ireland in the coming weeks, Joe Furl has done an excellent guide - including hypertext links - to Belfast's hotels, pubs and eateries (at least those near to Windsor Park). Cathal Whelehan has also done a bit of detective work on the Lowry MCFC football scene that Peter mentioned as being up for auction a short while ago; there's even a link to view this as a result! Other than that, we have an impassioned piece on the evils of the Premier League, as well as lots of opinion, humour, and an evocative Why Blue.

NEWS SUMMARY

City Still Await Amokachi Arrival

Daniel Amokachi has still to arrive in Manchester to train with City. But the Blues say the Nigerian will arrive over the weekend, and have rubbished renewed reports that the player will be joining Greek club Ionikos. Amokachi has been delayed in Istanbul as he tries to obtain a visa, and his non-appearance sparked claims that he would snub Joe Royle. However, the club has once again insisted that nothing sinister can be read into the situation. "We have been dealing with Daniel and his agent and no-one else," said director Chris Bird. "We expect him here for training on Monday."

Boss Pursuing Two Deals

Joe Royle has once again played down reports of imminent incoming transfer activity at Maine Road. The Blues' boss has been linked with a host of players this summer, but insists that the only player he would have liked to sign was Icelandic striker Eidur Gudjohnsen. Royle is refusing to discuss the identities of potential targets, but he does admit to working actively to bring in two new faces. "What I will say is that at the moment we are pursuing two players of which one is a strong possibility and one is just a possibility," he told the official club website at http://www.mcfc.co.uk/.

City Linked with Move for Belgian

Manchester City have once again been linked with Joos Valgaeren. The Belgian defender is available for transfer from Ducth club Roda, and has been interesting Celtic this summer. Roda had originally put a £7 million price tag on the player, but would now reportedly accept a bid of £4 million - a fee much more to Joe Royle's liking. Several British clubs are reported to have shown an interest in Valgaren this summer, with the Glasgow outfit featuring in the strongest speculation. However, with some news sources indicating that the Euro 2000 star would prefer to play in the English Premiership, the Blues could be well placed to complete a transfer should they choose to make a bid.

Target in Showdown Talks

Chris Coleman is set for showdown talks with Fulham on Friday. And Joe Royle could be keeping a close eye on the outcome of the Welshman's discussions with Craven Cottage Managing Director Michael Fiddy. Reports continue to insist that Royle is interested in bringing the 30-year-old to Maine Road, although Coleman has also been linked this summer with Sunderland, Blackburn and Everton. It's thought that a transfer to any of those clubs would see the player increase his salary substantially - and it's claimed that he may ask for a move if Fulham don't offer him a significant pay rise.

Russell Completes Scottish Move

Craig Russell has joined St Johnstone on a free transfer. The striker was released by City a week ago, and has clinched a three-year deal with the Perth-based club. Russell last featured in the City first team 18 months ago, and is delighted to have a chance to put his career back on track. "I can't wait to get going," he said. "Other players think the close season is too short but I'm desperate to get back playing again to make up for lost time."

Fringe Players Won't Be Sold on the Cheap

Joe Royle has reportedly been fielding plenty of enquiries this summer for players who may not feature in his plans for the Premiership. But the City manager insists that he'll only sell players for a fair value. Andy Morrison, Danny Allsopp, Nick Fenton, Gareth Taylor, Paul Dickov, Lee Peacock and Jamie Pollock have all been mentioned in the press as possible summer transfer targets for other clubs. But Royle is under no pressure to sell to raise money for his own team-building, and confirmed, "We are in no rush. We do not need to sell. We are not in desperate need of cash."

Royle Happy With Progress in Training

Manchester City's players returned to training this week, ahead of the club's return to the Premiership. And Joe Royle is satisfied with the progress made by his squad in the first few days back. Royle says that when he took Oldham into the top flight in the early 1990s, his overriding impression was of the gap in fitness rather than quality between the highest two divisions. And the City boss is determined his team won't be found wanting in this respect this time out. "I know what to expect as I have spent five years there with Everton and Oldham," he told the official club website at http://www.mcfc.co.uk/. "It is a physical division and it will be hard but we will be prepared."

Weaver - City Are Up to the Challenge

Nicky Weaver knows that Manchester City face a difficult task in the new season. But the England under-21 man feels that the Blues are equipped to consolidate in the Premiership. Weaver believes that the City fans have played a big part in the consecutive promotions of the last two seasons. And he insists that the backing of the Maine Road crowd can once again inspire the team - as long as unrealistic expectations are kept in check. "We have great fans who enjoy a good rapport with the team and I just want them to be realistic," he told the Manchester Evening News. "No one is expecting us to walk it and it is important expectations are not too high."

Haaland Expects Boom Times Ahead

Alfie Haaland's three years at Elland Road saw Leeds United move from the pack to become challengers at the top of the table. And the recent City signing expects similar progress during his spell at Maine Road. Haaland feels that the Blues have the potential, on and off the field, to become a force in the English game. And the Norwegian is looking forward to playing his part. "It has been obvious to me from the moment I arrived that Manchester City are a big club - every bit as big as Leeds United," he told the Manchester Evening News. "The players feel they are in at the start of something good. And I am delighted to be a part of it."

Royle Nominated for Management Award

Joe Royle is one of eight nominees for the new National Football Awards 'Manager of the Year'. The winner will be decided on the basis of telephone votes received from the public, and will be named in September. A campaign will be run on ITV and in the press informing the public of how to vote, and Royle faces opposition from Alex Ferguson, Dick Advocaat, Alan Curbishley, Martin O'Neill, Gianluca Vialli, David O'Leary and French national coach Roger Lemerre.

Former City Star Dies

Cliff Sear, who had a thirteen-year Manchester City playing career in the 1950s and 1960s, has died of a heart attack. The 63-year-old ex-Welsh international full-back featured in 248 league games and scored once for the club between 1958 and 1966, although he actually arrived at Maine Road from Oswestry in the summer of 1955, and left for Chester in April 1968. After finishing his playing days, Sear stayed on at Sealand Road and moved into coaching. He even had a brief spell as Chester manager in 1982 before taking a post at Wrexham. It was working with youngsters which gave him his greatest successes, and he was employed as the Welsh club's Youth Development Officer up to his death. Sear was largely responsible for Wrexham's recent success in their youth set-up's application for Academy status, a rarity for a Second Division club, and he discovered some impressive talent, including Paul and Ron Futcher, Chris Armstrong and most notably Ian Rush.

City to Buy Wembley Turf?

The reconstruction of Wembley stadium means that the pitch will be ripped up - and the turf will be sold off to raise cash for charity. The spot from where Geoff Hurst scored his hat-trick goal in 1966 has already fetched £20,000 - and there are now reports that City want to get in on the act. The Blues are said to be interested in acquiring for the proposed club museum the piece of turf from where Paul Dickov scored his momentous injury time equaliser against Gillingham in the 1999 Second Division play off match.

HOTELS, PUBLIC HOUSES AND RESTAURANTS IN BELFAST

Welcome to Belfast fellow Blues. Here is my definitive guide to places to stay, drink and eat in Belfast. These are mostly City Centre/University area locations, which are all about 20 minutes max. from Windsor Park. Hope it is of some use!

Hotels:

Benedicts Hotel - 7-21 Bradbury Place, Belfast. Telephone 028 9059 1999
The Crescent Townhouse - 13 Lower Crescent, Belfast. Telephone 028 9032 3349 <http://www.crescenttownhouse.com/>
Dukes Hotel - 65-67 University Street, Belfast. Telephone 028 9023 6666 <http://www.dukeshotelbelfast.co.uk/>
The Europa Hotel - Great Victoria Street, Belfast. Telephone 028 9032 7000 <http://www.hastingshotels.com/>
The Belfast Hilton - 4 Lanyon Place, Belfast. Telephone 028 9027 7000 <http://www.hilton.com/>
Holiday Inn Express - 106 University Street, Belfast. Telephone 028 9031 1909 <http://www.holidayinn-ireland.com/>
The Jury's Belfast Inn - Great Victoria Street, Belfast. Telephone 028 9053 3500
The McCausland Hotel - 34-38 Victoria Street, Belfast. Telephone 028 9022 0200
Malone Lodge Hotel - 60 Eglantine Avenue, Belfast. Telephone 028 9038 8000.
Madison's Hotel - 59-63 Botanic Avenue, Belfast. Telephone 028 9033 0040.
Renshaws Hotel - 75 University Street, Belfast. Telephone 028 9033 3399.
Travellodge Belfast City - 15 Brunswick Street, Belfast. Telephone 028 9033 3555.
The Wellington Park Hotel - 21 Malone Road, Belfast. Telephone 028 9038 1111.

Public Houses:

There are many, many good pubs in and around the city centre and University areas. The main and most popular/well known are:

Robinsons and The Crown Liqour Saloon, both on Great Victoria Street opposite the Europa Hotel.
McHughs, which is beside the Laganside Bus Centre (near the Hilton).
Auntie Annie's Porterhouse on the Dublin Road.
The Belfast Empire on Botanic Avenue.
Bob's/Bob Cratchitt's and Storm Nightclub on the Lisburn Road.
The Botanic Inn (Bot) on the Malone Road.
The Eg Bar on the Malone Road (opposite the Bot above).
The Fly and Bar Twelve on Lower Crescent off Botanic Avenue.
Magennis's Bar and Whisky Café on May Street (opposite the Hilton).
Morrison's Spirit Grocers on Bedford Street.
The Parlour on Elmwood Avenue (beside Queens University).
Cutters Wharf in Stranmillis (alongside the River Lagan - perfect if it is sunny but how likely is that in Belfast?).
J.F. Hunters on the Lisburn Road (probably the closest bar to the ground).
Renshaws, Dukes and Orpheus and the Underworld, all on University Street.
Maddisons on Botanic Avenue.

As mentioned before there are loads more but these are the ones that my mates and I came up with that would be OK in the city centre and the University area. There are too many to mention here and I'm sure many of you will end up in these.

Restaurants:

There really are too many to mention but a good one for a large group is The Mongolian BBQ on Great Victoria Street where it is £10 for basically as many main courses as you wish to eat. You pick your main course and spice it whatever way you want and then the chef BBQ's it for you - as many times as you want.

There are a couple of pretty expensive places (or at least with the reputation of being expensive) and these are Deanes in the city centre and Café Cayenne in Shaftsbury Square which is owned by Paul Rankin of Ready, Steady Cook fame.

Apart from that it is your own personal choice although it is not really anything like you will find in Manchester. Nothing too exotic - some Thai, Mexican, Indian, loads of Chinese/Cantonese restaurants and takeaways and your usual takeaways - kebabs, pizzas, fish and chips etc.

BLUEPRINT

"BLUEPRINT", the first City fanzine, is relaunching on the net for the start of the season and we are looking for regular contributors and someone to work on a part-time basis. We cannot pay in the short-term but hope to be able to offer something depending on the success of the site. Ideally you should be based in Manchester and have a head full of ideas - maintaining the BLUEPRINT tradition of starting the banana craze, the plane round Old Trafford on derby day, the biggest flag in British football, the fancy dress at Stoke, the 5-1 flexi-disc etc. Please contact eBLUEPRINT.com via e-mail at easytiger1@aol.com.

SUNDAY FOOTBALL - LONDON BRANCH

With the football season nearly upon us, thoughts for some are not totally on Maine Road, but Wormwood Scrubs, West London.

Are the any London based Blues who fancy doing battle in the famous laser Blue? We play in the APFSCIL League Div II over Wormwood Scrubs, nearest tubes White City / East Acton (Central Line). Players of most abilities welcome (younger the better, as we're getting on a bit). Ability to drink lots an advantage.

Contact me at the address below; include phone numbers if possible.

WORSE THAN MANYOO: THE PREMIER LEAGUE

There can't be anything worse than the complacent, all-conquering, gobsh*te infested football club simulation we all know and hate can there? Well there is and we are part of it. Don't get me wrong here - I want City to succeed. As a nigh on geriatric supporter who can remember when Colin Barlow was a new signing, I have experienced the trauma of the McDowall years as well as Ball et al. The organisation to which I am referring is of course The Premier League. Please distinguish this from the top division - I know they are the same thing now but the organisation of our top English League by the Premier continues to be a disaster for fans of normal means and an even bigger disaster for ordinary clubs.

Football is of course big business these days and you need a business plan; you ought to consider trying for a quotation on one of the stock exchanges but above all you must consider these three important business ideals: money, more money and loads-for-me-please. Selective business ideals are trotted out by those who inhabit the money-changing temples of the Premier clubs. Advertising your product, developing a corporate strategy for important business clients (selling the best seats to rich people who have never heard of your club), merchandising (selling the execrable to the gullible) and not forgetting that wonderful euphemism: modifying the ticket pricing structure (prices up yearly - always greater than inflation). Football has proved itself able to spend money like a main-lining lottery winner but all clubs except one (Manyoo) annually sustain some kind of loss, never give dividends to shareholders but still award themselves the perks of big business. Marks and Spencer this year was said by the business world to be in crisis. Their profits had slumped to £500 million, dividends were down and they are said to be ripe for takeover. There isn't a club in England which can aspire to this level of failure, but in the make-believe world of the Premier League we are told that football is profitable and must be considered to be big business. Tottenham diversified and nearly went bust, Chelsea own part of an airline and a hotel which was at one time subsidised by the football side of the business but none, repeat none, of the clubs can by ordinary business standards be recommended for an ordinary investment portfolio. Even Manyoo, the most successful of these miserable business failures, is dogged by plc rules which prevent them from buying the best players their total finances could afford. To add insult to injury they have at their helm a man who keeps trying to sell the club. When I see how this flagship of the Premier League is run I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Our American cousins have a term for a businesses which are run like United's where one side (the plc), prevents the main business (the football side) from achieving further success: it's called "pis*ing in the soup". But the Premier League is big business. Honest.

What about City? Well my ticket has gone up to £350 which is not bad by Premier standards but represents a 30% increase when calculated as the price of seat per game. Mustn't grumble at that nice Mr Bernstein though, Charlton tickets were £15 and I have sent off a cheque for £25 for the August 19th match. That is top quality Premiership rip-off standard with added London barrow-boy weighting.

The certainty is that the individual players we will see at Maine Road will be, on average, more skilled. I expect to see players passing the ball frequently to other players wearing the same coloured shirt (shudder as you remember Wycombe away, Bristol Rovers at home). They will be able to trap a ball at least within a 1m radius of their dominant foot - most of the time. I am not daft enough to think that these ingredients mean better football matches though. That isn't about individual skill but is an unpredictable team thing. You get great football matches at any level - will those who went to the Division 2 promotion play-off final not agree? I also went to the title-winning match at Newcastle in 1968 but on balance the Gillingham match was a more emotional, incredible and unforgettable experience.

The future under the guidance of the likes of the Premiership gurus is clear. More money will come into their coffers and they will indulge in just the right amount of tokenism with handouts to the poor. On Maundy Thursday would be appropriate. In spite of this, we the fans, will see added to the cost of transport, a relentless increase in ticket prices, extortionate prices of poor quality food and drink at stadiums and an increased difficulty in obtaining tickets for away matches. We can also expect to be treated right royally when we arrive as visitors to other Premier destinations. Only the best and biggest police horses will be deployed, truncheons will be polished for the occasion and we will have our passports confiscated if we fart louder than pianissimo.

Let me finish this rant by emphasising that I don't want City to be in a lower division. Like anyone else I want JR to win silverware and like you, I need to see again some of the top quality football we have been missing. But not at any price. When the season ticket prices become silly e.g. £600 at today's £, (our second year in the new stadium is my guess), City supporting will be beyond my means and I will have to leave Maine Road to the yuppies, corporate business sharks, fat cats and above all the terminally hard-of-thinking who know the price of everything and the value of nowt.

GOAL OF THE SEASON

Just read MCIVTA 622 and would like to take up David Cash's offer and nominate my goal of the season. It's one of those Dickov moments of which there have been so many in the last two seasons (it's hard to believe that Alan Ball could have got things so right when he decided to sign the 'wasp').

So, Maine Road, midweek, Showtime! It's a must-win match - City versus Ipswich and Nicky Weaver is in concert but the magic moment for me was when the ball is sent down the right hand channel and, with his back to the goal and a Fenman inside his shirt, Dickov collects the ball on his toe, flicks it straight up in the air, turns the defender and crosses the ball for Horlock to volley home - magic!

L. S. LOWRY - MAN CITY vs. SHEFF. UTD 1938

Since Peter Brophy included an item in his news section in MCIVTA 612 (5th June 2000) about the imminent sale of the above Lowry painting, I've been trying to find out more about it, what it looks like etc., as it was discussed on Blueview in the days following Peter's news piece, that City really ought to make a bid for the painting to ensure its inclusion as one of the main exhibits in the museum planned for the new stadium at Eastlands.

In case you didn't see Peter Brophy's piece, or did and have since deleted it (purely by accident I'm sure) here it is again:

Peter wrote:

"LS Lowry was a big Manchester City fan. And a painting by the Salford artist featuring his beloved Blues could be sold for £250,000 or more. Lowry's 'Manchester City vs. Sheffield United', featuring a crowd scene from the Blues' 3-2 home win over the Blades in October 1938, goes under the hammer at Sothebys on 19 June. The work is expected to sell for a big price - but is unlikely to eclipse the record for a Lowry, the £1,926,500 paid by the PFA for another football crowd scene."

I've since scoured the web to see if an image of the painting is available on any of the Lowry dedicated sites out there, but to no avail. However, on my travels, I was highly impressed with one of the sites for its design and particularly as it contains a "virtual gallery", allowing you to view a very large number of paintings with zoom-in/out functions to enable you to have a closer look at individual scenes, a extremely useful tool given the amount of activity in a typical Lowry scene. Unfortunately there was not an image of the painting I was looking for, which - to be honest - didn't stop me from looking at what was on offer anyway.

I contacted the person running this particular site and sent him Peter Brophy's news item. Within a day I received a very friendly reply with a copy of Sotheby's report on the painting, which itself makes interesting reading, along with the good news that the site now features an image of the painting as well.

Whilst it's safe to say that the painting was indeed sold at auction, it hasn't yet been determined to whom the painting now belongs, or how much the new owner paid.

The site I contacted for information is called "Lowry's Virtual Gallery", is maintained by Kevin Lees, a Blue since 1956, and can be reached via the link below. Once in the site click on the button for the virtual gallery (a fast loading java applet) and then scroll through the painting titles listed, and there are dozens of them, double click on the title and then use the zoom-in/out function as you wish/need.

The link: http://www.btinternet.com/~kevplees/index.html

The Sotheby's Report (expletives removed in the traditional fashion).

Manchester City vs. Sheffield United
Signed and dated 1938, oil on canvas.
43 by 53.5 cm. (17 by 21 in).

Lowry and Manchester are indivisable in many senses: the city was the artist's home and also his constant source of both employment and artistic inspiration throughout his working life.

Football was one of his great loves (unlike cricket, where he needed to take outside advice on fielding positions) - both the sport itself, and also the way in which it brought together the diverse crowds he is most famous for depicting. While Lowry's major works were almost always collages of memories and impressions rather than records of specific events, the title of the present work combined with its date suggests that it represents an actual match - and a significant one at that.

The 1938 home game was a City match where the team were undisputed local heroes (Manchester Un***d's ascendancy was still to come) at a vital turning point in their 106 year history.

In the 1936-37 season Manchester City were First Division League Champions (a feat only repeated once again in 1967-68): in a dramatic reversal, the 1937-38 season saw them relegated from the First Division, having been F.A. Cup Winners as recently as 1934.

The 1938-39 season was the last full season to run before the Second World War 'stopped play', and it was also the last where City reigned dominant over Manchester Un***d.

Sir Matt Busby had been one of City's outstanding players from 1928 to 1936, when he transferred to Liverpool, and in the first season after the War he took over Un***d as manager, effectively marking the shift in the two clubs' fortunes.

The match after which Lowry titled the present painting was probably the home game played against Sheffield United on October 22nd, 1938, when City beat Sheffield 3:2 at Maine Road, and it was one of the last of their golden age.

The goal scorers were Toseland, Milson and Brook, who was one of City's highest goal scorers in the club's history, scoring over 150 goals in 453 matches and playing for England eighteen times before his career was interrupted by the War.

Manchester City vs. Sheffield United is unusual in its probable portrayal of a factual event. As a crowd study it is an example of what Lowry excelled at. People anchor all his major works - even the most extensive of the industrial landscapes are given relevance and scale by the figures that inhabit them.

His interest was very much in the individuals making up the body: here we have men in bowler hats and suits alongside workers in flat caps and donkey jackets. There are almost as many skirts visible against the back rail of the terrace as there are pairs of trousers. Children stand side by side with adults, hardly able to see over the heads of the crowd in front.

Typically Lowry has found a pocket of activity within the multitudes (Manchester City still hold the attendance record for any game played outside London or Glasgow - 84,569 - achieved in their heydey against Stoke City in 1934), which has captured his imagination. Whether the figure on the right is taking bets or running a shoe-string sideshow is unclear.

However, it is this almost incidental feature, involving the characters on the fringes of the gathering, through which Lowry has chosen to encapsulate one of the last great games of the then most celebrated team of his home town.

- Many thanks to Kevin for his help in getting this information to me and you. If anyone knows who now owns the painting or how much was paid for it, I'm sure Kevin would appreciate you dropping a line to his e-mail address which is on the site.

VIRTUAL CITY

Well, it's over! Tight-lipped, ashen-faced, chain-smoking, "gutted" ex-supremo Ron Knee won't be rattling his tom around the corridors of Maine Road any longer. Chairman David Bernstein's patience finally snapped on 25th Feb with Man City 17th in Div 1. "Well, Brian" sez Ron, "it was a nightmare experience. Gutted. Never stood a chance." Couldn't buy any players except Tony Grant £140k. Could only sell Mike Brown £975k to Ipswich. Best results, Beat County 3-0, beat Coventry 2-0 on 3rd FA Cup; Liverpool at Anfield 2-1 in Cup 4th replay after 1-1 draw at Maine Road (full house). Kicked out after defeat vs. Norwich (a) Brum (h) and draw at Tranmere concluded a miserable Feb. Broke divisional records for red and yellow cards! Relative successes - Dickov, Weaver, Kennedy, Peepo, Edghill, Wiekens, Grant (inconsistent but brilliant when on form). Failures - Morrison (when he wasn't injured or suspended), Cooke (moody), Bishop, Tiatto (though played out of position). Tried and failed to buy Bjorn-Otto Bragstad, Chris Lucketti, Chris Coleman, Allan Smith, Eidur G., Brian Steen-Nielson, David Hopkin, David Thompson, Alfie and a good few more `City interested' players. Just goes to show that Joe is some sort of genius getting these guys into the Premiership. But then we knew that didn't we? Ah well, back to fantasy. Might have a crack at getting QOTS into Scottish Premier.

P.S. Amokachi - wasn't he the guy Evertonians knew as "Am a taxi" - big, black and carries a load of passengers?

SCORED BY THE DANCING TORERO "EL CABRA"

Dave Cash asked for views on the goal of the season in the last McVittee. A great idea and certainly something I would prefer to read more on than the more recent crop of articles about a club I really don't give a fiddler's toss about.

My favourite goal from last season, and there are certainly going to be those amongst you who will hoping there's a damn good explanation for my choice, was Shaun Goater's hat-trick goal against Fulham at Maine Road, yes, the really easy one where he simply nodded into the net from six inches. A three-legged dog with the ability to catch a frisbee could have converted it. My choice is nothing to do with any perceived milestone it may have set in his career at Maine Road, where it is often said this hat-trick (especially as it was completed at Maine Road) was the singular event which deemed him worthy of hero status or the crowd's acceptance at Maine Road. What a load of rubbish. There can be few amongst us who overlooked the fact that Shaun worked - in the words of Alan Partridge, the diplomat to the common man - like a "japanese prisoner of war", from the start of the season to the end of it. He was as instrumental in our gaining and - in many cases - retaining the resultant point-count per game as Weaver was in executing his duties at the other end of the pitch.

How many times last season did we all express our approval of Shaun's diligence after he had scampered the width of the field to thwart a defender's clearance when the said defender, in truth, had enough time to listen to his mobile phone messages and comb his hair before punting the ball to any part of the stadium he wished? The Goat's work-rate was quite simply first rate all through last season, but if you watch closely on the video, you'll notice that many of the goals he scored were the product of strikership qualities and a sharpness of thought, which deserve much more credit than they have received to date and which from the outside, appear completely camouflaged behind an apparently awkward and gangly style of play. Take my pick for "Goal of the Season" for example.

Having already scored two goals, both of which are also undoubtably fine examples of his strikership, the Goat scores a third, a goal, which he nodded in from only six inches and which would have struggled to make the grade of "Goal of the Tournament" had he bagged it during the "Over 75's Retired Priests Football Tournament" clash between Craggy Rock and Rugged Island. Father Jack's "dribble" through a defence of geriatrics-of-the-cloth would have been the clear prize winner if you could overlook the fact that he scored it whilst slumbering in a radio controlled wheelchair in a "Dreamy-Sleepy-Nighty-Snoozey-Snooze" induced coma, with the ball in his lap as Father Ted steered him over the line from the bench.

Too many "Goal of the Season" choices, in particular those picked by TV panels or phone-in votes, are deemed to be the best of the season purely on the basis of the distance covered by the ball between last player contact and bulging onion bag, an assessment of the level of difficulty, and the inevitable beauty factor. Dave's choice of Ian Bishop's super sweet F.A. strike and his wife's choice of Mark Kennedy's screamer at the Reebok were both corkers without any dispute and had I not noticed the intricacy of the build up to my own choice, I'd have probably been plumping for one or the other of these.

You will agree, I'm sure, that the Goat's hat-trick goal was in possession of quite serious deficiencies in all of the above categories traditionally fulfilled by a "Goal of the Season" contender. But rewind the tape only a few inches and watch it from the build up. When the original cross is headed goalwards by Jobbo, Shaun is standing in the six-yard box surrounded by white shirts and with Maik Taylor looking over his shoulder. In short, he's in absolutely no position to score or create a goal.

He has a fraction of a second to decide upon and execute his next move. The ball bounces in front of Shaun; he now has half a fraction of a second remaining and has decided to shift his weight towards his left, apparently - it would seem - to control the ball with his thigh or lower chest. Seems sensible enough. Carry on Sir. With a quarter of a fraction of a second to go, Shaun realises - and I do believe he has realised it - that he has now completely screened Maik Taylor's view of the ball. He then spins his body around and steps deftly backwards to towards the centre of the goal, like a prize bullfighter, who'd probably be hailed as "El Cabra" in Spain.

As he steps back, he sweeps his left forearm away from the ball as if he had just made a fool of another sadly doomed bull with his laser blue cape. The bull, sorry ball, follows his arm is if magnetised and appears to be no more than an inch away from touching his hand throughout the move. What we end up with, is a ball which Shaun has not even attempted to control as such, but rather one which he has very suddenly revealed only a matter of inches from the nose of a now panicky Maik Taylor. To be fair to Taylor, getting anything at all onto the ball was an achievement of sorts. "El Cabra" has now folded his blue cape away and stands there, ceremonial spear in hand, to deliver the final blow as the ball drops down between his horns and comes to a snug rest in the net. The flowers traditionally thrown at the victorious Torero are already in a little plastic plant pot in the back of Maik Taylor's goal. You may remember these were mentioned in MCIVTA in the weeks following the game.

If you hadn't noticed Shaun's little dance before, have another look. If you slow-mo the slow-mo replays you'll see what I mean. Shaun makes, and follows through on, quite a number of decisions in an extremely short space of time and was justly rewarded. This goal, for its cleverness, simplicity and execution is what makes Shaun a potentially great goalscorer. If the Goat brings this guile to the Premiership I have little doubt he'll make his mark in this division too... I don't expect 29 or 20 or even 15, but he's certainly got a thing or two to show us yet.

Andy Morrison commented during last season, that the Goat is the most difficult front man to mark in the 1st Division, and many scoffed when he said it. Having studied the video, I must concur with Andy's opinion and feel he may present plenty of trouble for Premiership defenders too. Look at his style all throughout the season, by which I don't mean his awkward appearance, but his cunning and sharpness, and see if you don't think Mozza's opinion of the Goat is perfectly illustrated in this goal alone. Also, if you find yourself suitably intrigued and curious to see more, count the other goals he scored by simply fooling defenders or 'keepers into thinking that he was going to control the ball and take it past them, but where he instead feints away and let's the natural bounce or run of the ball do the talking. His goal against Nottingham Forest at Maine Road and again his first in the away tie against Forest are perfect examples of this ploy and maybe also indicators that he is more than capable of repeatedly fooling the same defence by the same means.

Does Shaun have a superior understanding of the mechanics of the bounce, spin or roll of a ball or is he just more willing to allow the ball, the premier tool of the trade that is "The Beautiful Game" dance to his tune? Shaun seems supremely confident that a defender can be led a much merrier dance, if he allows you watch his feet as he skips past you with the ball, which he probably hasn't even touched yet, and which the defender had previously overlooked in the whole matter. To exercise the degree of cunning he displayed in the six yard box against Fulham, all in a space not much bigger than the frisbee I mentioned earlier, had me enraptured to the point where the video, or maybe it's my eyes, go a bit fuzzy now when I watch this goal again, and again...

All hail the dancing Torero, "El Cabra". Scorer of the "Goal Of A Top Season". G.O.A.T.S for short.

A BIT OF A DEVIL ('S ADVOCATE)!

I have read some very interesting stuff about loyalty and hatred over the past few weeks and I sense there is a lot of anger out there.

I have discovered over the past few weeks that I am not a true City fan. I live in London, I have a brother who supports Man United and yet I still talk to him. I am only number 4898 on the season ticket waiting list. I was set upon by Stoke fans at a match once and despite only being outnumbered 6 to 1 I didn't fight back. I don't even know all the words to all the Munich songs.

It seems that all the Saturday afternoons I spent at Maine Road as a kid counted for nothing. All the scrambling for away tickets in the Second Division is irrelevant. I am a glory-seeking Rag lover and obviously deserve a good kicking. I'm sure there's a queue forming already.

However, I am the future of Manchester City. I own a TV and I've got a few spare quid for a dish. Let's face it, why should I put myself at risk of personal injury every week when I can watch the match from any angle in the comfort of my own home. When people start singing offensive songs I'll just mute my TV. I can happily sup on my Czech lager wearing my replica shirt as I watch the "Edghill cam" (because it's cheaper).

Hating Rags is a bit of a pointless pursuit anyway. They're not really an English football team anymore, they are an international media conglomerate. It's a bit like hating cornflakes. Manchester City and Bernstein aspire to be in the same league. Man U didn't make their money in football. They made it on TV and in shops. City and United are both part owned by Sky. What's to stop Man U. buying City and running it as a subsidiary? Maybe a merger, then 100,000 fans could watch David Beckham and Nicky Weaver playing for "City United" against "Roma Lazio" at the Busby Mercer Stadium in the European super league. Let's face it, it's our quickest route into Europe.

Rather die? You'd get over it.

Anyway, I think football will become more anodyne over the coming years. Controversy will have to be manufactured to increase viewing figures. Who knows, there may be a market for televised battles of the fans on pay per view. This would keep all those of a violent disposition at a separate location with proper controls and medical facilities. They could prove they were "City 'till they died" or "Chelsea 'till they died" or whatever, and I could leave my darkened living room and go and watch the match in the flesh (for which I'd receive a small "atmosphere" fee from Sky Sports).

Let's face it. The future of this club won't be secured by the antics of a few players or fans. It'll be down to how well we're marketed to the Pokemon kids. We'd do a lot better spending money on getting Nicky Weaver into bed with Baby Spice than throw it away on actual playing staff like Daniel Amokachi.

In summary, don't waste time on silly songs that Alan Green can whine about. Think about the future, think about TV, think about our image. We need plastic bananas... and lots of them!

OPINION - PA-LED CELEBRATIONS

Hilary Roberts suggests playing something on the tannoy before a game that we can all sing along with and intimidate the opposition.

Fine, so long as they don't go down the road of some clubs, e.g. Watford, Middlesboro, who have gone as far as to drown out fans' goal celebrations with piped music. We want to hear ourselves. We want the opposition to hear us, not Pigbag.

Did anyone else out there feel totally cheesed off by Rockin' All Over The World at Wembley after the Gillingham game, when all we wanted to do was sing City songs to our hearts' content? It detracted from the fact that it was our celebration. In subsequent play-offs I've seen on TV, fans have been subjected to exactly the same tripe.

I wasn't at the Birmingham home game that Friday night. How did people feel about Movin' On Up? It seemed to go down well. At least at was a fairly current hit, unlike blo*dy We Are The Champions, etc. But again, I'd have much preferred to hear the fans (not to mention that old 'premature celebration' debate). And if I'd been there I'd have wanted to sing Blues' songs.

It's one thing being in the ground, but can there be an uglier sight in the world than seeing fans, any fans, swaying along to We Are The Champions piped through a tannoy?

I recall watching an Italian game on TV, in which the crowd was led in singing throughout the game by some bloke with a microphone (was it Venezia?). I don't know about intimidating to the opposition, but I know I would find it excruciating. And can you imagine the 'editorial control' the club must have over what he sings?

Say no to intrusive tannoys. Fansong is much more interesting, inspiring and certainly intimidating.

OPINION - NEW ANNOUNCER

OK... OK! No more about Munich as long as you lot shut up about the subject too. Actually it was getting a tad tedious. Munich, Munich 58, Munich 58! No sorry, I promise no more! Singing aye aye yippee, aye aye yippee... no? OK, not one more mention of those Red scum.

It's only 'cause it's been so blo*dy long since we've confronted them that this excitement and interest has been stirred up. To my real motivation for this offering: the new replacement announcer. No I won't be sorry to see a season ticket holder at the place I promised never to mention again... phew! ... leave. He was rubbish anyway. Best place for him is ... sorry it's been censored.

I just hope we don't get some real sad b**tard like the one I saw at Southampton one evening last season. Anyone remember him? (fantastic game though, apart from the result!) or that we have to witness the type of pre-match entertainment like that served up at Reading, Moonchester excepted! He's great I think and should be the replacement for Mr. Keegan. He could be allowed to take the p*ss out of the opposition and put them off during the game. Maybe even take our penalties. What do you think? So if you're reading this Moonchester, apply for the position and if you're successful there is a female I used to know in Warwick (who incidentally can't remember birthdays!) who would be very happy, 'cause she's your no.1 fan and always looks for you from the front row of the Kippax.

A decent rousing rock anthem would be just the trick to wake the Main Stand up too! Why are you lot so miserable? Join in, live a little!

Come on you mighty Blues! (by the way I'm on the end of season video at Blackburn behind Sir Joe and his mates whilst they're being interviewed). Well that's it from me.

OPINION - TANNOY

In agreement with Hilary Roberts I too will not miss Alan Keegan. Though it comes of no surprise to learn that he failed on many an occasion to 'whip the crowd into a frenzy' when you consider (I know this is a touchy subject) he has/had(?) a season ticket for Old Nafford, at least he will fit in with the morguesque sound that currently greets the Rags.

As for some decent music, I am afraid I will have to take you to task on that one. I can't remember which match it was (possibly Blackburn at home) but the atmosphere with Fat Boy Slim being timed to perfection was possibly one of the most nerve-tingling experiences since the Kippax was knocked down (the actual knocking down of the Kippax was nerve tingling!). Mr Slim's music is certainly an improvement on Oasis/'City dadada Manchester City, we are the boys...', though I didn't mind too much the use of 2001 music. Let's please not go down the path of Sunderland et al who play music after the team scores; as Jim Royle would say: 'I feel good... my ar*e!'

OPINION - ALAN KEEGAN

I agree with Hilary Roberts (MCIVTA 622) about the departure of the closet Rag Alan Keegan. I too, shed no tears when I read he was leaving and was outraged to think we've been harbouring a filthy Rag in the bosom of Maine Road. I thought he had a really annoying, bland DJ voice anyway, so good riddance (I just hope we don't get Jo Blakeway back with her squeaky pitch, but at least she's a Blue).

Anyway, is Keegan going to have to learn to make his announcements in 15 different languages at the Swamp?

Finally, had a dream last night that City beat Charlton 1-0 on the first game of the season, and Charlton had a goal disallowed for being offside in the last few minutes. Fingers crossed...

OPINION - FOREIGN PLAYERS

The amount of foreign players in the British game has got to be restricted. It is ruining the game, just look at the Chelsea and Arsenal teams. Where do the up and coming players get a chance to break through into the top flight? Just look at the fiasco at Euro 2000, we are falling behind in all aspects of the game.

Now this is where I shoot myself in the foot. The British players or should I say their agents are pricing themselves out of the market. Is Ben Thatcher or Chris Sutton worth the amount that has been paid for them? A manager has has only to go to the continent and get a far better player for half the price and lower the wage. You go further afield, to the non EEC countries and the buying of players becomes a bit of a lottery . Managers might get lucky and get themslves a magnificent player like Kinky, but more often than not they will get themselves a real donkey.

What I hope I am saying is that we need to learn from the rest of the world and there are places in the top teams for youngsters when the academies hopefully start to work. What I want is for England to be back up there with Brazil and France, and for the England team to be full of City players.

REQUEST - 4x4/SUV SPARE TYRE COVER

Does anyone know of a company who can supply the City Crest and/or logo onto the back of an SUV's spare tyre cover (I guess a printing company could do this?)?

I know of at least a couple of people who are looking for this service and would be over in the UK during August to collect.

REQUEST - GARY JACKSON TV FOOTAGE

I am trying to track down some old City TV footage from the early 80's (82-84) as an engagement present for a mate of mine, who was in the City squad at that time (Gary Jackson, complete with porno-tash).

I am led to believe that he played several first team games (and was 'Oh so close to scoring' once or twice) which included one of the City-Utd derby matches at Old Trafford.

If anyone has any idea as to where I could possibly find some footage so he could relive some of his memorable misses (hence the lack of fame), I would be grateful.

OLD BLUE HUMOUR

Re last issue's train joke:

Hang on - isn't the punch line:

"I get to kiss a beautiful woman and slap a United fan"?

It's a very old joke (Frenchman and German soldier when I first heard it - probably in one of those comics like Hotspur?).

HUMOUR

Three kids are playing in the street and get hit by a garbage truck. They all go to heaven and God says to them, "You weren't supposed to die - you were all supposed to live out your lives. This was not your time. To make it up to you, I'll let you choose what you want to do with your life. Take a running jump off of that cloud over there, and as you're flying back down to Earth, shout out what you want to do. And so it shall be."

The 1st kid takes a running leap and shouts "I want to be an attorney." And so, 20 years later, he is a very successful lawyer, making lots of money, with an upcoming appointment to the Supreme Court.

The 2nd kid takes his turn and shouts "I want to be a brain surgeon." And so, 20 years later, he is the most admired man in his field of medicine and making a ton of money saving lives. The 3rd kid goes to take his turn, and as he runs he trips over his own feet and stumbles off the cloud muttering "... clumsy b#stard ..."

And so, 20 years later... he's still playing left back for England.

RED HUMOUR

An oxymoron surely!

Prize winning letter from a true football fan:

I've been supporting Man United for a couple of years now and I'm sick of people taking the p**s out of us. In the past ten years I've supported Blackburn, Leeds, Arsenal and Liverpool, and I never had any stick when I supported them.

Keep on smilin'!

WHY BLUE (BUT ALMOST TANGERINE?)

When I was young, the mid-week Sportsnight theme would trigger the beginning of my stealthy decline to the bottom of the stairs, having previously been sent to bed by those haunting parental utterings: "school in the morning". At the bottom of the stairs, I would peer through the crack in the lounge door hoping to catch a few glimpses of the City game. My father would often be agitated, cursing at the television for some poor play, or moments later, he'd be punching the air in celebration as one of City's attacks rewarded him with a goal.

I'm not sure if the contrast on our TV was set too high, or it's a psychological impact that age plays on your memory, but back then, colours seemed so much brighter. I remember seeing the almost florescent quality of the green pitch and an amazing formation of light blue sweeping around combined with a tremendous roar coming from our television - maybe it was just that our TV needed tuning correctly! To me, no other team looked as aesthetically pleasing on TV as City. Other clubs all seemed to play in either a bland red or dark blue and the more brutal contrast with the pitch just didn't quite have the same appeal. That said, I must say that from time to time I'd catch Liverpool playing on TV and must admit to admiring their brashness in wearing an all red strip. This was in fact a conscious decision to move from white shorts and red top to an all red kit. The idea, I later discovered, was to try an make the side look more intimidating. Actually, from time to time, City have had an all light blue kit but it doesn't have the same effect, and I must say that I'm always relieved when, at the end of the season, I learn that we'll be moving back to white shorts. If any kit designers out there are reading this, be sure to take my comments into consideration.

Sorry, I digressed a little there. Anyway, back to the crack in the door with one eye on the TV, and one eye on my dad (just in case he suddenly leapt up), I'd crouch there praying for a City goal. If memory serves, there weren't too many of them, but when they came, I'd give a loud internal yell. On some occasions I got too excited and I'd inadvertently emit a little too much sound. Quickly, I'd look at my father to see if he'd noticed - sometimes I'd just leg it upstairs anyway, convinced that my father would be hot on my trail, and jump straight into bed. Isn't it amazing how, as a kid, you naturally acquire the ability to convince your parents that you're asleep when they'd check on you? No one ever taught me this but I soon became an expert after several close shaves - particularly when watching Sportsnight.

Long before my Sportsnight missions, most of my early years were spent growing up in Manchester, living in Middleton, and then in Denton. Besides the blue DNA given to me by my father, I suppose it was on the Manchester streets and at school where my first real exposure to the City virus really happened. However, to be totally honest, I cannot remember really being that interested in football back then. I played a lot of football and was often taken by my father to Maine Road but I cannot truthfully say I was a true blue at this age. In fact, though it pains me to admit it, my closest friends were mainly Trafford Town fans, and through them, I probably knew more about the Rags than I did about Manchester City back then.

At the age of about twelve, my family and I moved to Blackpool and it was here where my daring Sportsnight encounters took place. My family still live in Blackpool today and though I have since left the UK, I still regard myself as a Blackpudlian. Despite its decline in recent years, I still love Blackpool. It's a place of genuine character which many people never get to see as they confine themselves to the clubs and bars along the Golden Mile. Very sadly however, the town is no longer what it used to be and much of it has in recent years - and in my untempered opinion - been raped by fat-cat leisure corporations that have no interest in preserving the character of the town. I know, I'm digressing again and so I'll get off my soapbox.

As a Blackpudlian, quite obviously most of my time was spent growing up amongst Blackpool fans or, to be more colloquial, "Seasiders". Blackpool FC has a great history but sadly, like the town, it has demised over the years and is now in danger of disappearing altogether. 1953 was its greatest moment with what many people still regard today as the greatest ever FA Cup Final when the Seasiders beat Bolton 4-3. A far cry from the just relegated Division Four club.

Given that almost all of my new social peers were Seasiders and my grandfather, with whom I had a very close bond, was himself a life-long Blackpool fan, I struggled a bit with my City allegiance. During my teenage days in Blackpool, I can't remember ever meeting another City fan at school which was kind of a double-edged sword. On the one hand, nobody really knew much about City and didn't pay much attention to them - good news when we lost, but correspondingly, I never really got to celebrate the highs (although to be honest there weren't that many).

I say "struggled" with my allegiance because, by nature, I suppose I don't like upsetting people and I knew that deep down, my grandfather wished I had turned out tangerine rather than Blue. And of course, given the peer pressures a teenager faces, it's often easier to conform to the allegiances of the group than to detract from them. But Blue I remained, and even if I had wanted to (which I didn't), we all know that one of the very few things in life that you cannot change is the football team you support. Your wife, your religion, even your sex can be changed, but when it comes to football... well, it's all been said before.

One year (I think it was in the late '70s), Blackpool drew Manchester City in the League Cup, with the first leg at Bloomfield Road, I knew that this was going to a moment of conflicting emotions. I so much wanted City to win, perhaps mainly to ensure my friends wouldn't be jibing me for months after the game - this time there would be no escaping it. However, with my grandfather so much wanting Blackpool to win, I suppose that deep down I wanted a compromise: a draw with City winning the return leg at Maine Road would be fine.

The final score ended 1-1 and satisfactorily, I left a Bovril scented West Stand at Bloomfield Road and made my way through the crowded and dark post-match Blackpool streets back home. We went on to win the return leg 3-0 and so thankfully I didn't have to face a barrage of abuse from my friends at school.

Today, I live in Grenoble, France, working for a large computer company. I think that since leaving the UK my support for Manchester City has grown even stronger. Maybe this also has something to do with my ex-pat status, as all things British take on a much more sentimental value than they ever did before. This, in fact, is quite a common phenomenon clearly demonstrated in the commercial success of excessively marked-up British products in many mainland Europe supermarkets. Products like HP Sauce, Coleman's Mustard, and Birds Custard Powder are great sellers with ex-pats abroad. I'm sure I wasn't such a big consumer of these products when I lived in the UK.

I also think that supporting Manchester City today has become even more of a personal statement than it ever did before. Without wishing to pollute my narrative by reminding you of Trafford Town's recent footballing achievements, it now is in many ways because of their success, harder to support Manchester City than it ever was before. Consequently however, those of us who did not choose the dark side of the force believe that our cause is now even more just. Remember, it wasn't until the Imperial forces blew up the planet Alderaan that Luke Skywalker and the Rebel forces really got their act together... I draw the analogy of the Rags' treble win shortly followed by our Herculean play-off comeback at Wembley. I don't know about you, but I'm still taking medication for that one.

Today, mainly through my work, I spend a lot of my time surfing the web and some of this time is, unknown to my boss, spent on various City sites. The official Manchester City site in my opinion is great, but BlueView is where it's at. For those of you that aren't familiar with it, it's a kind of City underworld where almost anything gets discussed. One of the great things about the site are the pre- and post-match discussions. Also, the running commentary during a match is often a lifeline when Planetfootball has gone down. So today, as more of an "e-supporter" than a real life City fan, I find that the site keeps me in touch with the mood of the fans and, as far as is possible being so far removed from the UK, gives me a good "whiff" of the match atmosphere as is possible. You'll never be able to replace the real thing of course, but I do find that BlueView and a cup of hot Bovril (for additional sensory effect) during match days compensates reasonably well.

Being Blue then for me is, in many ways, an internal struggle given my Blackpool roots and the fondness I have for the "Seasiders", and a bold intergalactic struggle against the Red imperial forces of evil. I am romantically wowed by the ambience of Manchester City: our colours that looked so wonderful on Sportsnight; our ability to laugh at ourselves in the midst of catastrophe; and in an almost sadistic way, the knowledge that the wait will have been worth it when the glory years return... someday.

Supporting Manchester City is like reading one of Shakespeare's great tragedies where the reader is buffeted from blissful highs to depressing lows; where there's never a shortage of irony and, along the way, quite a few fools to boot!

Ashley Birch, mcivta@tollbar.u-net.com