MAN CITY INFO VIA THE ALPS #167

DATE Monday 12th February 1996

Terrible weekend and we are back in deep trouble; not only a bad result but a kick in the nether regions, courtesy of some bizarre refereeing decisions and a lacklustre performance. I only managed to see the TV highlights but the penalty decision was laughable and poor old Frontzeck's dismissal was harsh to say the least. It was nice to see the Everton players pleading with the ref, and the fans applauding Frontzeck off. Last weekend against QPR we had to laugh at the refereeing but this week it ain't so funny.

If anyone cares to do a Why Blue, please do as the backlog has now cleared.

This one reaches 633.

MATCH REPORT 'LIVE'

EVERTON vs MANCHESTER CITY, Saturday, 10th february 1996

"The referee's a w****r!"

Arrived at Goodison in good time to have a look around the new Everton superstore before heading off to the Royal Oak for a couple of pints of Murphys. Their new store makes City's revamped souvenir shop look a bit sorry but the growth of commercial activities at the club certainly hasn't gone down well with many of the fans, judging by some of the letters in their fanzine "When Skies Are Grey". One point which amused me was that some of the club's recent publications which featured photographs from last season (e.g. programme photographs showing Dave Watson lifting the F.A. Cup) have had the old sponsor's (NEC) name removed from the front of the shirts in the pictures since they are competitors of the new sponsor (DANKA). Is this ludicrous or what?

On getting into the ground I was greeted with the disturbing news that Gio wasn't playing. There hadn't been so much as a whisper of this being possible in the press so it was really surprising, and in view of what was to happen, really disappointing. Goalkeeper and back four were as expected, Brown, Lomas and Flitcroft were in central midfield, Phillips started wide on the left, Rösler was alone up front and Clough was "in the hole" behind him. Before the game started there was a superbly-observed minute's silence for the late archbishop Warlock of Liverpool. It really was a credit to both sets of fans.

Everton set their stall out right from the start, being tigerish in defence and midfield to win the ball and then pumping crosses in from the flanks towards the towering presence of Duncan Ferguson. The big Scotsman still hasn't recovered his fitness after his spell in one of Her Majesty's hostels so he presented little threat on the deck but he won virtually everything in the air. At the other end, Watson and Unsworth were very solid and totally dominant in the air. It was clear that City would have to play their football on the deck to get anything from the game but unfortunately we just couldn't get our passing together. Even normally reliable players like Clough and Flitcroft couldn't find a City player much of the time and as a result Everton enjoyed the bulk of the possession. Lomas in particular had another nightmare. He tried hard but just couldn't make the passes.

The crosses raining in on the City penalty area were a constant source of problems as Immel displayed a vampire-like aversion to them. This eventually led to a goal in the 33rd minute when a cross from Matt Jackson soared over the City area and looked to be going out of play a few yards wide of the far post. Whilst the Everton fans groaned at another wasted opportunity, Ferguson got to the ball and headed back across goal where an unchallenged Parkinson was able to score against us for the second time this season. Referee Paul Alcock (the one that booked Alan Shearer last week for doing an impression of a linesman) was allowing a lot of physical challenges from both sides to go by and since Everton were winning most of them, we didn't look like scoring a goal. Our best chance of the game came on the break with some accurate (for once) passing which led to a chance for Brown who was one-on-one with Southall. He managed to clip the ball over the goalkeeper but it went just over the bar too.

City made a double substitution at half time, Quinn and Creaney replacing Phillips and Brown. Phillips had made very little headway against a well-organised and physically strong defence and Brown was probably knackered after his exertions on Wednesday night. Anyway, the change to a conventional 4-4-2 seemed to make an instant improvement to City's play as we were able to hold the ball up in the Everton half and Quinn made some intelligent lay-offs for other players. However, two minutes into the second half Everton were awarded a controversial penalty. Horne and Symons chased a long ball into the City area and just as Symons was about to reach it, Horne nudged him and he stumbled forward, his hand knocking the ball away from the goal. After the protests died down, former Blue Andy Hinchcliffe (who got quite a bit of stick from the City fans) stepped up to whip the spot-kick into the bottom corner.

City strove to get back into the game but managed to create no real clear-cut opportunities. The best effort was an overhead kick from Creaney which went just wide of the foot of the post. What became obvious was our lack of pace up front. Although some good through balls were played from midfield, all of our forward players have to hold the ball up and wait for support as they cannot outrun defenders. I sincerely hope that the Georgian we're supposed to be buying this summer is quick.

Neither goalkeeper had to make a save in the second half as the game petered out. Everton always looked comfortably in control but on this showing they don't look a particularly good side. There's lots of effort, strong tackling and good organisation but without Kanchelskis (on international duty) it was left to Limpar to supply any touches of flair. Just before the end the Swede was involved in an incident which led to the sending-off of Michael Frontzeck for only the second time in his career. Both players went in for a 50-50 ball which Limpar just reached first and knocked past the German. However, their momentum carried them into each other and Mr. Alcock decided that that was a bookable offence. Since Frontzeck had already been booked for shirt-pulling early in the game, he was red-carded. Even Limpar sprang to his defence but it was no good. Not surprisingly, the City fans started chanting "the referee's a w****r" and Niall Quinn immediately turned to us and applauded, right in front of the referee. I'm surprised he didn't get a booking for that himself.

The sending off made no difference to the outcome of this game but it means we'll be without a recognised left back for at least one of the important games coming up soon. Since Frontzeck has picked up four yellow cards in three games for City, he may already have amassed enough points for a two-match ban. With Coventry's unexpected victory against Chelsea, we're back down in the bottom three and on this form, I'm getting worried again.

MCIVTA MEET?

I have booked the same room at the Manchester City Social Club for a further meeting of the Internet Blues to precede the match against United (Rags please! [Ashley]) on 6th April, I think.

The format will be much as last time except we can start a little bit earlier, say half past twelve to allow a bit more time for people to circulate.

It does help for me to know how many, and who intend to attend. Perhaps Ashley can be persuaded to take a higher profile at the event and give us a five minute chat on how it all started, when, how it has grown and where it is going.

Why should he be alone. Maybe the Mole could give us a live report, and a really brave volunteer could do a "Why Blue?"

Just for fun, no long speeches.

Replies as ever to me, Malcolm Plaiter at: malcolm@plaiter.demon.co.uk

NEWS - TICKETING

Bernard Halford was on GMR on Saturday explaining the chaos at Maine Road where Oasis tickets went on sale at the same time as tickets for the Coventry replay. Apparently some of the Oasis fans had camped out overnight and when the City fans arrived there was a tad congestion. BH said that the problems were blown up a bit and everyone went home happy. The ticket office opened specially today (Sunday) to appease anyone who hadn't yet secured their seat for Wednesday's match. When I arrived at 11.45 a.m today (Sunday) there were no problems at all, with only a handful of people at the windows. I do, however, begrudge having to travel 55 miles on a non-match day just to secure my normal seat. I tried to phone the ticket office on Sat. to find out the situation but the line was constantly engaged from 9.30 to 12 o'clock noon when it closed.

Bernard was asked about the allocation for Old Trafford, should we get through, and it's apparently only going to be 6,500. The interviewer Andy Buckley had heard reports that Sunderland had received 11,000 tickets for the last round. Halford said that he thought this unlikely to be the case but would check into it and report back before Wednesday. In the event of a victory, tickets are to go on sale to Regular Season Ticket holders on Thursday morning at 9.30 a.m. Full details in Wednesday's programme.

NEWS - BANS!

Garry Flitcroft has been suspended for two games following his latest booking; the ban will start after the Coventry replay on Wednesday. City are considering an appeal against Michael Frontzeck's sending-off at Goodison Park. Apparently all the Everton players are willing to back him.

Meanwhile, City legend Malcolm Allison has been sacked from his radio post in Teesside after he swore on air when Les Ferdinand scored Newcastle's winner at the Riverside stadium on Saturday.

JANUARY PLAYER OF THE MONTH POLL

The result of the January Player Poll shows a second win for Gio. Although some of the match reports do not accord with Uwe's return to form, I think his second place is well justified.

The full result was:

1st Georgi Kinkladze 50 pts (33.5%)
2nd Uwe Rösler       25 pts (17.0%)
3rd Eike Immel       19 pts (13.0%)
4th Nicky Summerbee  18 pts (12.0%)
5th Niall Quinn      12 pts ( 8.0%)
6th Kit Symons       11 pts ( 7.5%)

    Others           14 pts ( 9.0%) [Curle, Flitcroft, Lomas]

Votes came in from Australia, Germany, Denmark and Norway. Although not a great lover of Satellite/Cable TV, it does allow our faraway fans to watch the games and give their opinions. Thanks to all who voted (26 this time). Thanks also to Janet, who registered her vote via her husband's (a Red) internet account.

ELEVEN ABs?

Yes the Daily Mirror has a two page article on City! It has nothing to do with transfer gossip or hotels. The article is basically an interview with Alan Ball and his reactions after Wednesday night. It seems that the dressing room was full of very upset City players, banging fists on tables etc. In the middle of the room was AB and he realised there and then that here he was surrounded by 11 AB's, all scrappers just like him. Seemingly this is what he wanted all along and he finally seems to be getting the message through to his players. I must admit there was one comment he said I've often agreed with, and that is City are now quite a good team and if it wasn't for the start of the season we'd be nowhere near the relegation zone. As AB said, if you take the results from November to now over the whole of a season then we'd be ninth not fourth from bottom (I haven't actually checked if that is the case).

On the subject of the hotel incident. I was speaking to my auntie who works with Roy Bailey's wife. Now Mrs Bailey said that they wanted to go out but Roy had to travel down to Southampton with the team. My Auntie asked why he had to do that and it seems that he was there to keep them in order, because when they go away they behave like little children.

THANKS FROM EVERTON

I would just like to thank all the City supporters for their excellent observance of the minute's silence (Archbishop of Liverpool died in the week); also, your player should never have been sent off for the tackle on Limpar, keep fighting and hopefully we will see you next season still in the Premiership, and remember, if you hate Man Utd clap your hands, which is quite difficult while typing this at the same time.

MERCER ON SKY?

There was a trailer, last night, for a program on Sky on the 12th of Feb regarding Mercer's City.

10.30pm-12.00 Sky Sports Gold.

Bobby Charlton Football Scrapbook

Mike Summerbee guests in the studio to look back at footage of Joe Mercers magical Manchester side of the 60's.

SUPERSTITION

Coventry Replay: I thought I may take the opportunity to explain a theory I have in connection with football superstitions. It has been my experience in supporting the Blues that when I choose not to go to a match at Maine Rd in preference to the woman in my life City score five.

• City beat United 5-1 and I was in the Lake district with my girlfriend.
• Tottenham 5-2 visiting her parents.
• Leicester 5-0 belated Christmas presents, 2 Theatre tickets.

It's actually only just clicked that in order for City to be successful I have a duty to take my girlfriend out on Wednesday night (Valentine's day) and that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make, but I need some empathy here; have you ever sat in a restaurant when you know there is a game on? Nothing is more important than finding out the score and it's always "Sorry I'm not really into football". I'd be interested to know if anyone has any easier superstitions that guarantee victory, it's gonna cost me a fortune.

OPINIONS - DUBLIN AND THE TORIES, VERY TOPICAL!

1.

How many more times are we going to let Dion Dublin score in the last five minutes against us before we decide to do something about it?

2.

What are we going to do about UEFA grovelling to the so-called 'big' clubs, before our game is ruined for ever? Quite clearly the whole rationale for the discussion held by UEFA this past week about the future shape of European football is to ensure that those clubs that generate big TV money have a guaranteed place in Europe - whatever they do.

Similarly, the idea of having anything from 10 to 15 clubs in the Premiership always getting into one or other of the Euro competitions means that for 60 or 70% of the clubs the season will effectively be over by about this time of year, as they know that whatever happens they have their place in Europe next season.

And what happened to all the talk of there being too many games in English football? If some of the postulations for the format of a revised European Champions' Cup come true, some clubs could be playing a dozen or so more games each season.

Beware. Just as the Tory bastards have sold off the family silver to keep their mates in the style they are accustomed to, if we are not careful, then all but a few clubs will similarly become second class citizens forever in British and European football. Surely the great strength of football in Britain is the rise of the small and the fall of the mighty - with the advent of Sky, this will happen less and less; if the UEFA proposals are passed, then it will never happen again. We will end up with a Euro cartel of big clubs, and the rest - including many Premiership clubs will have as much clout and future as the GM Vauxhall Conference.

Yours, mighty pissed off about (2) above and not at all surprised about (1) above. I kept telling my wife Pat that Dublin would score in the last minute, and was unpleasantly vindicated.

P.S. Anyone else thought it was a penno when DD brought Kinky down in the box? It looked to me that a) he pushed him and b), he only got the ball by knocking him over. Or am I being totally biased? (and proud of it).

OPINION - VARIOUS

Just a couple of comments: Firstly about the Oasis concert at Maine Road. I skipped lectures this morning to book tickets over the phone, but if Oasis are such City fanatics why didn't they give preference to City season ticket holders, or people who have a few ticket stubs; it would help to create a "blue atmosphere" and it would have meant that I could have gone to my lecture this morning. Then again, I suppose it didn't work out badly after all!

Secondly, as City's need for a winger is glaringly obvious, especially against Coventry where Buster is ineligible (will Frontzeck be eligible for the replay?), I thought back to what I read in a match programme a couple of weeks ago. It was a quote from AB saying how he wanted to buy a left back so he could play Ian Brightwell at right back. This would obviously release Buzza to go galloping down the wing, like he has been in recent weeks, except in more dangerous territory. It would also give AB a reason to drop Lomas, or Brown who definitely isn't a winger!

So why hasn't he done it? Answers on an Oasis ticket!

OPINION - WHY US?

How many Blues who listen to the Saturday morning Radio Four programme Sport on Four ended up, like I did, throwing their radios against the kitchen wall after the latest anti-MCFC diatribe.

Some bloke (I didn't catch who it was - can anyone enlighten me?) was rambling on about the televising of sport and about this list of events that are 'in the national interest' that should remain on terrestrial TV - such as the FA Cup Final and the Grand National etc.

He then turned the argument around, in an apparent attempt to inject humour, saying something like: "But what if the event doesn't turn out to be in the national interest? What if Manchester City get to the FA Cup Final, for example? Would we be able to sue the Queen?"

Just what is it about these people? Publications ranging from my son's Match magazine to the Guardian soccer page have spent the past six months relentlessly taking the mick out of the Blues. We have had to put up with commentators like Alan Green putting them down on Five Live at every opportunity and now we have snide remarks on a supposedly serious, thoughtful sports programme.

Call me paranoid if you like, but in nearly 30 years of following City I cannot recall a time when they were derided so much and so prominently. And I can't really put my finger on why this is the case. I know it's not exactly the best season in the club's history, but do you hear attack after attack on Coventry or Bolton?

I just hope the lads make them eat their words. That Sport on Four 'expert' might not fancy the prospect of Kinkladze at Wembley, but it certainly appeals to me and I reckon the great British TV viewing population would marvel at seeing the master at work. Surely that would be a more interesting prospect for them than yet another unpalatable dose of the Rags or Liverpool?

OPINION - DIRE SITUATION

Everton were too good for the lightweight City
- (Report of Everton vs. City on World service)

City would be lucky to stay up and Alan Ball should have stayed at Southampton
- (Keith Gillespie to Geoff in MCIVTA 165)

Some of you may have regarded City's recent performances as satisfactory or even adequate but I would like to suggest that one win out of the last 4 games leaves City in a dire position with another relegation battle in prospect especially when you consider that 3 of these games were against bottom teams and from what I have heard and seen (the goals) City were lucky to get that!!

I do admire your optimism but I find it hard to be comforted when we have just returned to the relegation zone where we now feel quite at home after losing to a mid-table team who do not have that much to play for. I have not yet read or seen anything of the game but I will find it hard to believe that City had most of the play or that they were deprived of a deserved point by a unsympathetic ref. when we still (I think) have the worst offensive record in England and Scotland.

After that is it surprising that even mediocre players such as Gillespie don't want to come to City and as Matt Varley rightly pointed out UEFA's proposal last week (while consulting all the big European teams) are not going to help teams like City when all the big names will easily be persuaded to join the big clubs for free leaving City stranded with such players as Creaney.

With that in mind I just have to have a go at the list of players of whose services I think City can do without after the reports that Ball is thinking of holding a grand sale;

1. Ingram - a second division player
2. Creaney - his swap must have been one of the worst deals in the last 20 years
3. Kerr - is he still at City?
4. Brightwell - never was Premier class
5. Edghill
6. Lomas - surplus to requirements
7. Dibble
8. Kernaghan - never was going to make it at City
9. Brown
10. Alan Ball

I would very much like to see Rösler stay at the club but he has got to start scoring again. With that my team would look something like this; Immel, Frontzeck, Curle, Symons, Kinky, Summerbee, Phillips, Flitcroft, Clough/Quinn and Rösler with the other defensive flank being left open for a Brazilian or another German!!!!!

Is the United game still on for next Sunday? (if so I will have to hire Cable who are showing the game live to my hospital bed 8 hours after an operation; there is nothing like a win over the Rags to make one feel better).

Thank you also to Paul Coleman for offering to send a copy of the F.A. Cup game against Coventry (I will of course send delivery fee) and would appreciate it if anyone else is willing to send future games and I will try to do the same with the game next week against the Rags.

Cheers from your blue and white Blue.

OPINION - LAST SATURDAY

After the fuss made by Keegan and Ferguson to get their players' bookings and sending's off changed, are City going to do the same with regards to Saturday's joker of a ref? I think we should. Frontzeck didn't deserve sending off. The ref was appalling. Poll one week, this clown the next, don't we look destined to go down?

The worst challenge all day was the one made by someone on Clough which sent him sprawling from an elbow to the face right in front of the ref. The penalty was laughable if it wasn't so costly.

When is Immel going to come for crosses?

Positive points from a terrible Saturday - the lads didn't give up. I liked Quinn's applause for the fans' reaction to the sending off. Nice one Niall. If we keep our heads up like that more often, even when faced with a physical team and an 'unsympathetic' ref, we could yet fight our way out of trouble. Tough weeks ahead though with maybe the Rags, Newcastle and Blackburn.

Gerry Creaney looked okay this week. Lost a bit of weight and a lot of movement off the ball. With Rösler's ability to lose his extra yard advantage and end up on his arse maybe Gerry could come in useful yet?

REVIEW - CITY MAGAZINE, VOLUME 1, ISSUE 6

This is the February issue and has Keith Curle on the front cover looking a less-than-happy man! Curle is the subject of an interview, as is Richard Edghill who manages to put across some of the pain he's gone through since his injury. I'm afraid I can't go along with the description of him as 'playing a leading role in City's revival', I've watched him all this season and I haven't seen anything to recommend him as being anything other than an average Premier League player. This issse is unfortunately the victim of events; Ekelund is the subject of an in-depth interview and there's no mention of Clough or Frontzeck.

Trevor Francis's goal scoring record (at City) is given the once-over and you can really see what a class player he was, the descriptions of some of the goals however, are cursory to say the least; it would have been much better to expand this article by a factor of three.

The anniversary of '76 is marked by a good piece on the occasion with a lot of interesting comment from the horse's mouth - Dennis Tueart. Alan Ball's wife gets to give her side of a footballer's life and she does this well; an amazing fact is that she has had to move house a staggering 23 times! Lee Crooks is the the young professional profiled and the 'Awayday Blues' go to Spurs. James H Reeve is back with his musings which, to be frank, score a resounding zero in the interest stakes. He tries to write a witty piece but it just falls flat, personally, not what I want to read when I buy the magazine.

All in all, not the best issue but this is mainly due to it being overtaken by events. I guess we'll be treated to interviews with the new boys next issue, I'll look forward to it!

BIG ISSUE GET IT VERBATIM!

The current 'Big Issue' reports that the full context of Noel Gallagher's ambiguous response to Ryan Giggs' request for concert tickets was "No, ***k off".

ANYBODY HELP?

This is a plea for help, from the wife of a City Fan Junky. I married my husband 8 years ago in England. I realized he was a soccer (oops -- football) fan but, had no comprehenshion what that truly meant. However, after 3 years of living in England with him, those Saturdays brought the meaning home. Although living in Somerset, my husband managed to attend every game in Manchester and as many others he could.

In Dec. 1990 he was offered a job in ths U.S. Imagine how happy I was, considering that I am an American. It was a position he could not refuse. I knew he'd miss his family, and his home, but, never did I imagine how much he'd miss his true love ---- The "Blues". For years he has received results from phone calls and whatever 2 week-old newspapers I could get a hold of, and, of course the early Saturday mornings (6:00 a.m.) on Channel 14 (2 weeks late).

Since he has hooked up with you guys on the net, life has been a lot more bearable (no more early morning jaunts to the news stand - aaahh sleep).

Anyway - finally to the point. I have arranged for us to fly over to Manchester on the 13th of Feb. I have enlisted his Red father (he calls him a Rag -- whatever that means?) to get him a ticket for the Coventry game, he got one! My mission, and my reason for writing is I am now enlisting your help for tickets for the Derby game, Sat. Feb. 17th (I am assured that they will win).

Last Plea -- Please help me, willing to pay $$ for 2 tickets oops (pounds) or free accomodation in America -- Seattle, WA. (home of Alan Hinton, no idea who he was but apparently he is the manager of some team in Seattle--I try.)

Please write back with any info. Will meet in any Pub to enjoy a pint, and Get the tickets! Kathie -- Seattle, WA AKA Ciderwoman (I loved Somerset, mmmmm Cider)

WHY BLUE?

None of my family had any interest in football, so it was a bit of a surprise when my sister was given a magnetic football game one Christmas. You probably remember the sort - a thin wooden pitch on legs, one playing figure each with a metal base which you moved about with a magnet on a long handle. One player wore red, the other sky blue; and this being the Christmas after the Munich crash, all the girls in my sister's class claimed to support the Rags because it was so romantic and tragic. So my sister always had to be United and I always had to be City - and because she was bigger than me she always had to win. No change there, then.

When I was eight I moved to a different school and made some football-mad friends - and one of them persuaded his dad to take me with them to the Academy (thanks Mr Grimshaw!). I had no idea what to expect - the only football on the TV in those days was the Cup Final and anyway we didn't have a telly at home. I think I envisaged something like a game on the local rec. with a few more people standing around the sides; so the size of the place, the noise, the atmosphere and the Bovril were all completely overwhelming. That first time was against Cardiff - I remember that Dave Wagstaffe hit the bar after four minutes, City went in at half-time leading 1-0 - and lost 2-1. The next match I saw was against West Ham: 3-1 up at half-time and we lost 5-3. Even at eight I knew I was hooked for life (how could you fail to love a team like that?); and I knew too that this obsession would cause me an enormous amount of heartache interspersed with occasional bursts of quite unexpected delight.

In those early years City had an aging team (Bert Trautmann, Dave Ewing, Joe Hayes); and when they failed to hang on to some of the talented possible replacements such as Wagstaffe and Dobing they soon went down. Just as my friends and I were trusted to go to games on our own (we used to walk the half-time jackpot numbers round Edgeley Park on a Friday night to get the entrance money for the City match) my father inconsiderately got a job in Oxford and I was uprooted. As soon as I left City put together the finest post-war team England has seen - typical.

So for the past thirty years, apart from the occasional visit to Manchester, it's been a trek round the stadia of London to see them when I can. There have been truly awful days (5-0 at Charlton, a hat-trick by Brian Talbot at Arsenal, the disgraceful display at Wimbledon last season) and some moments of delirious joy (Dave Watson playing as a forward and scoring at Tottenham; our present assistant manager scoring with a header at Highbury to the squeaky dismay of our present manager; most games at QPR). The away support is consistently superb for its noise, its numbers and its unfailing good humour in the face of adversity - why does Maine Road have such a reputation for the opposite?

One final anecdote to explain, Why Still Blue. I took my then eight-year old son (already fatally infected by the Blue virus and now worse than me) to the FA Cup game at QPR three years ago. Finding the away end sold out in advance, we walked twice round the ground before finding where an extra turnstile had been opened for the ticketless City fans to squeeze into a small strip of terracing along the side. When we got in it was already packed; and standing on the top of the three or four steps I asked Tom (futile question) what he could see. "Nothing" was the predictable reply. Instantly there was a parting of the Red Sea in front of us - "Come on, get him down the front - mind your backs"; and within a minute we were leaning on the fence with probably the best view in Loftus Road, treading on the toes of those who had willingly given it up for us. With all the excitement there were several visits to the Gents in the next two hours; and each time our space was waiting for us when we returned. We were right in line to see the swerve on David White's thunderbolt that gave us the lead; if you still have the Match of the Day video, you can spot us just beyond White when he gives the ball away for QPR's injury time consolation. Probably every football fan believes his or her team's supporters are the best; but I can prove it. You're all brilliant.

BLUE HUMOUR?

I've just been poking around on the McEwans soccer website. They have a football field with a bunch of icons on it. I was a bit sloppy with my mousework and clicked on the space between 2 icons. A page came up with big letters saying "You missed. Fancy a career at Manchester City?".

If it weren't true it would be funny!

RAG HUMOUR?

From the Viz Top Tips:

Manchester United Directors - why spend three million (25m??) on a new 3 tier stand at Old Trafford? Why not relocate and build a brand new stadium somewhere near London to reward your loyal lifelong supporters with a shorter journey home after matches.

RESULTS

Saturday, February 10 1996

BOLTON WANDERERS        0-2    ASTON VILLA               18,099
COVENTRY CITY           1-0    CHELSEA                   20,639
EVERTON                 2-0    MANCHESTER CITY           37,354
MANCHESTER UNITED       1-0    BLACKBURN ROVERS          42,681
MIDDLESBROUGH           1-2    NEWCASTLE UNITED          30,011
NOTTINGHAM FOREST       0-1    ARSENAL                   27,222
SHEFFIELD WEDNESDAY     2-1    WIMBLEDON                 19,085

Sunday, February 11 1996

QUEENS PARK RANGERS     1-2    LIVERPOOL                 18,405

Sun 11 Feb

Team                Played   Won Drawn Lost  For  Against   Points
Newcastle United      25     19    3    3     49    20        60
Manchester United     26     15    6    5     47    29        51
Liverpool             26     14    7    5     50    22        49
Aston Villa           25     13    6    6     34    18        45
Tottenham Hotspur     25     11    9    5     33    24        42
Blackburn Rovers      26     12    5    9     40    28        41
Arsenal               26     11    8    7     34    25        41
Everton               26     11    7    8     39    28        40
Nottingham Forest     26     10   10    6     35    35        40
Chelsea               26     10    9    7     30    26        39
Leeds United          25     10    5   10     31    37        35
Middlesbrough         26      9    6   11     27    33        33
Sheffield Wednesday   25      7    8   10     35    39        29
West Ham United       24      8    5   11     26    35        29
Southampton           25      5   10   10     25    36        25
Wimbledon             26      6    6   14     36    52        24
Coventry City         26      5    9   12     33    49        24
Manchester City       26      6    6   14     16    36        24
Queens Park Rangers   26      5    3   18     19    40        18
Bolton Wanderers      26      3    4   19     24    51        13